The next opportunity to speak with her presented itself in the gym. We attended the same gym, where I trained before work. One morning, I saw her on the treadmill four or five treadmills away from where I was running. I think she saw me there too, but I don’t really remember any more. In any case, I knew this was my moment.
I got off my treadmill and walked over to hers. “I don’t mean to interrupt,” I said. “But it was so funny because my director told me I’m scared of you!”
I was smiling.
“I wanted to come say hi because we met in the lift that one time and haven’t had a chance to see each other since.”
She said something, I said something like “well, looks like we’re colleagues now, which is great!” And signed off, telling her to have a killer workout. The bold entry, brief stay and fluid exit was executed, and a step toward building a relationship taken.
I don’t remember all the exact words I used because they’re not important. What’s important is the fact that I demonstrated my humanity, as a human being equal to her—one that isn’t afraid of walking over, saying hello and enjoying a brief interaction without needing or requiring anything in return.
There was no subtext related to attempts at launching my career forward on the back of a friendship with her. There was no weird, creepy expectation that she drop everything she’s doing to hang out with me. I simply genuinely enjoyed her company during this brief interaction and didn’t overstay my welcome.
This move accomplished a few things. First of all, as I mentioned, it demonstrated a sense of self-worth. I considered myself worthy enough of an interaction with her and I didn’t feel or act weird about the fact that she was my superior in corporate terms. I demonstrated courage because I made a move to walk over and say hi, despite a bit of nervousness. It showed I wasn’t needy because I exited politely and on time. It cleared the air of any weirdness that my previous absence of interaction may have left her feeling, and it opened the possibility to start saying hello when I saw her around the office in a playful manner (when appropriate).
I use this example because it was a solid demonstration of the way an intern makes his way into the life of someone very senior to him, using only a sense of self-worth, a smile and a lack of neediness. Honestly, this combination is all you need to be a highly effective builder of relationships with people around you, regardless of environment. It’ll attract people to you better than honey attracts…whatever honey attracts.
This woman and I kept in touch years after I left the firm (I can still call her today, if needed). I went out for drinks with her recently and she shared some really intimate stuff about her life. I’m not going to repeat it here, but suffice it to say that that sort of stuff isn’t even shared with close friends—less so with an ex-colleague I don’t know how many years her junior.
You’re a human being worthy of strong relationships with people independent of the corporate ladder. The corporate ladder exists as an organizational mechanism to structure work processes. It’s a human construct and has nothing to do with your worth as a person from the perspective of the universe. You are a unique manifestation of life capable of its own expression into the world, and it serves you to treat yourself as the perfect being that you already are.
I got off my treadmill and walked over to hers. “I don’t mean to interrupt,” I said. “But it was so funny because my director told me I’m scared of you!”
I was smiling.
“I wanted to come say hi because we met in the lift that one time and haven’t had a chance to see each other since.”
She said something, I said something like “well, looks like we’re colleagues now, which is great!” And signed off, telling her to have a killer workout. The bold entry, brief stay and fluid exit was executed, and a step toward building a relationship taken.
I don’t remember all the exact words I used because they’re not important. What’s important is the fact that I demonstrated my humanity, as a human being equal to her—one that isn’t afraid of walking over, saying hello and enjoying a brief interaction without needing or requiring anything in return.
There was no subtext related to attempts at launching my career forward on the back of a friendship with her. There was no weird, creepy expectation that she drop everything she’s doing to hang out with me. I simply genuinely enjoyed her company during this brief interaction and didn’t overstay my welcome.
This move accomplished a few things. First of all, as I mentioned, it demonstrated a sense of self-worth. I considered myself worthy enough of an interaction with her and I didn’t feel or act weird about the fact that she was my superior in corporate terms. I demonstrated courage because I made a move to walk over and say hi, despite a bit of nervousness. It showed I wasn’t needy because I exited politely and on time. It cleared the air of any weirdness that my previous absence of interaction may have left her feeling, and it opened the possibility to start saying hello when I saw her around the office in a playful manner (when appropriate).
I use this example because it was a solid demonstration of the way an intern makes his way into the life of someone very senior to him, using only a sense of self-worth, a smile and a lack of neediness. Honestly, this combination is all you need to be a highly effective builder of relationships with people around you, regardless of environment. It’ll attract people to you better than honey attracts…whatever honey attracts.
This woman and I kept in touch years after I left the firm (I can still call her today, if needed). I went out for drinks with her recently and she shared some really intimate stuff about her life. I’m not going to repeat it here, but suffice it to say that that sort of stuff isn’t even shared with close friends—less so with an ex-colleague I don’t know how many years her junior.
You’re a human being worthy of strong relationships with people independent of the corporate ladder. The corporate ladder exists as an organizational mechanism to structure work processes. It’s a human construct and has nothing to do with your worth as a person from the perspective of the universe. You are a unique manifestation of life capable of its own expression into the world, and it serves you to treat yourself as the perfect being that you already are.
